Formal Introduction

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Dear Professor Blackstone


I would like to take this opportunity to formally introduce myself. My name is Jean D’Cruz and I graduated from Ngee Ann Polytechnic (NP) last year with a diploma in electronic and computer engineering. Through internship and the curriculum at NP, I have gained a deeper understanding on electronics and computer engineering.

However, ever since I was in secondary school, I have always enjoyed the design and technology classes. The amount of thought in designing and creating a product of my own in secondary school was something I enjoyed doing. Through the years, I have often found myself admiring at the infrastructures of our society. Furthermore, I have also pondered on how certain structures are built, the design process and considerations engineers had considered in building a structure.  Hence, I decided to take up the degree in civil engineering offered by SIT. 

In terms of communication, I have found it relatively hard to speak in front of a large crowd as when there are so many people giving me their utmost attention, it seems a bit nerve-racking. Hence, there were instances where my message is not made clear to the audience. On the other hand, my strength would probably be that I can converse and listen well if I am having a one to one conversation. 
One of my goals for this module is to overcome my anxiety of speaking in front of a crowd. The other is to improve my writing skills through blogging and other written assignments.

Last but not least, I look forward to attending your lessons and under your guidance, I hope to improve my communication skills which will really benefit me in the future.

Yours sincerely
Jean D’Cruz

Revised on: 21/01/2018
Commented on: Colin, Roland, Shumin

Comments

  1. Brad Blackstone20 January 2018 at 22:50

    Dear Jean,

    Thank you for this highly detailed letter. I really appreciate learning about your views on design and how that impacted your interest in SIT.

    You've also detailed well the reflection on your comm skills. In terms of writing skills, this post is quite fluent, but there are a few areas that need review:

    1) sentence structure / subject-verb agreement
    -- The amount of thought in designing, the design considerations that were considered when creating a product of my own in secondary school was something I enjoyed doing. >>> ?
    -- These has then caused me .... >>>
    -- My goals for this module is to overcome ... >>>

    2) dangling modifier
    -- Pondering on how certain structures are built, the design process and considerations engineers had considered in building a structure. >>> (What is the main subject of this sentence? Who is pondering what?)

    3) punctuation
    -- Last but not least I look forward to attending your lessons and under your guidance I hope to improve my communication skills which will really benefit in the future. >>> (underuse?)
    -- Look at the salutation and the close. Is your use of the comma consistent?

    4) paragraphing
    -- Look at the entire letter. Can its appearance be improved?

    I look forward to reading more of your writing this term.

    Best wishes,

    Brad

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Jean22 January 2018 at 04:34

      Thanks Brad for the reply. I appreciate the feedback and will do the necessary amendments.:)

      Delete
  2. Unknown21 January 2018 at 08:19

    Dear Jean,

    It seems like the both of us has the fear of speaking in front of a large crowd. I believe with the guidance of Professor Blackstone, we will be able to overcome this challenge and achieve greater knowledge in communication skills.

    However, there are a few minor issues which I would like to point out:

    1) I have always enjoyed the design and technology classes >> I believe you don’t have to put “the”

    2) I have found it relatively hard to speak in front of a large crowd as when there are so many people giving me their utmost attention, it seems a bit nerve-racking. >> I find it challenging to speak in front of a large crowd. With the amount of people giving me their utmost attention, it seems a bit nerve-racking.

    3) there were instances where my message (is) not made clear to the audience >> was

    Anyway, keep up the good work!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Jean22 January 2018 at 04:26

      Thanks Irdina for pointing out the areas I can improve. Will look into it:)

      Delete
  3. Shumin24 January 2018 at 10:17

    Hey Jean,

    I enjoyed learning your background and your passion in structures.

    I like the way you construct your sentences as it is clear and straight to the point. I also find your letter very engaging as it intrigues me to carry on reading.

    Overall it’s good. Let’s strive and work hard for this trimester.

    Best wishes,
    Shumin

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Jean4 March 2018 at 06:33

      Hi Shumin

      Thank you for your feedback. Yeah let's try our very best this trimester:)

      Cheers
      Jean

      Delete
  4. Unknown24 January 2018 at 10:34

    Hi Jean,

    Appreciate your effort in writing this clear and concise introduction letter. I hope that through this module you will gain more confidence on public speaking. Nonetheless, I would like to make a suggestion pertaining to your letter.

    1) Since you have already stated the name of your course once, abbreviation should be inserted for the second time. “ I have gained a deeper understanding on electronics and computer engineering.”

    All in all, I like that beginning of sentence, you used words like ‘furthermore, hence’. These are words that connects the flow of the paragraph.

    Your friendly classmate,
    Roland

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Jean4 March 2018 at 06:36

      Hi Roland

      Thank you for your feedback. I really appreciate your comments. Will make the changes. Thanks!

      Best wishes
      Jean

      Delete
  5. Unknown25 January 2018 at 05:02

    Hi Jean,

    I appreciate the effort that u put in into writing the letter of introduction as it takes a lot of courage to be open about yourself!

    I like the flow of the introduction as it portrayed a very natural to introduce yourself and your basic background. You gave evident information of your interests and past which makes you interested in civil engineering!
    One small point that I would note on is the sentence “The amount of thought in designing and creating a product of my own in secondary school was something I enjoyed doing.” I do personally feel that it can be arranged to “I enjoyed the thought in designing and creating a product of my own in secondary school.” I feel that it would sound better in the introduction.

    I do have the fear of communicating in front of a large crowd too. I do get nervous as well even if it’s a small group. However, I hope that through Brad’s class we will work together to improve ourselves!

    Your classmate,
    Glen

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Jean4 March 2018 at 06:38

      Hi Glen

      Thank you for your time in providing your feedback. Presentations are coming very soon let's try our best:)

      Cheers
      Jean

      Delete
  6. Unknown28 January 2018 at 22:23

    Hi Jean,
    I appreciate your effort in writing the letter of introduction in your blog.
    I like the way you write, the letter is clear and concise. Similarly, you shows example on how you are interest in civil engineering.
    Anyway good job on your letter.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Jean4 March 2018 at 06:39

      Hi Serena

      Thanks for the feedback!

      Best wishes
      Jean

      Delete

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